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Seagull Steve lives over the back, he used to feed the birds every day, Gloucester has a seagull menace and he used to encourage the screeching pests until they made his conservatory look like a plasterers radio.
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Only peasants have neighbours.
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Trumpet & Strumpet live opposite - he plays in a brass band, turns out to be the trombone but the name was already in place. He’s retired and she’s somewhat younger than he and dresses, well like a strumpet.
“Potato woman” round the corner, christened by the kids as they thought she loooed like Mrs Potato Head.
House to the right of me is just known as “stay away” following some building work we had done when we first moved in and he was a right busy-body. We haven’t spoken for about 10 years.
Trump is a Cunt
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Woman next door at our old house was "Souxie and the Banchees", "Florence and the Machine" or "Swing Out Sister" at various times depending on her hairstyle/makeup. Her husband was "Alan Turing" due to his awkwardness and side parting. Current neighbours are ok tbf.
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We've got:
Bumcrack - Always working on his car with his ass out
Little Angry Man - He's little and he's angry
The Millionairess - Moved in a couple of doors down and is always having work done.
Kerplunk - Can't drive for shit so car is always dented and takes 10 shunts to get on the drive.
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"Overleveraged Dave" whose quality of car has diminished with each PCP expiry and hike in mortgage rates.
"Tomb Raider" for the 50-year old cougar who married the 80 year old neighbour who died a year later leaving her his entire estate.
"The Waltons" multi generational family living in what was a 3-bed semi and several extensions later the only way to further extend would be building over the road like the Villa did with that stand.
There's a guy who lives in a house called "The Holte" and he has various nicknames, most of which are unsuitable for this board.
And Rattlehead. Who's on here occassionally.
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We don't have any near neighbours but are friendly with the farmer and wife who have a big family who visit often and walk or cycle happily past our house. In this mode, we call them The Von Trapps.
We often go to see Pet Shop Boy. He is a young man who runs the pet shop in the village.
