Today's Training

[baggiebloke]

It'd be interesting to be a fly on the, erm, grass...

I wonder if they'll practice avoiding flying objects from the stands.

[Duffers]

“Today lads we’re going to split into two sides and practice high pressing and hard tackling…Sam, Callum and Darnell, you and this dummy with ‘SNODDERS’ printed on it are team one. The other 21 of you are team two…

Don’t be afraid to go in hard lads.”

[Derek Hardballs]

“Today lads we’re going to split into two sides and practice high pressing and hard tackling…Sam, Callum and Darnell, you and this dummy with ‘SNODDERS’ printed on it are team one. The other 21 of you are team two…

Don’t be afraid to go in hard lads.”

Or Val just leaves a laptop on the side of the pitch and they watch an algorithm for a couple of hours. I believe it’ll say… same as last week lads.

[SophLad]

“Today lads we’re going to split into two sides and practice high pressing and hard tackling…Sam, Callum and Darnell, you and this dummy with ‘SNODDERS’ printed on it are team one. The other 21 of you are team two…

Don’t be afraid to go in hard lads.”

Or Val just leaves a laptop on the side of the pitch and they watch an algorithm for a couple of hours. I believe it’ll say… same as last week lads.

"60 minute sessions with some pre planned changes on the hour"

[MassDebater]

VI: 'run, run, and well run you lazy buggers'
Carroll: 'Don't want to step out of line boss, but do we need to do something with those round things that people used to kick at my head?'
VI: 'Right that's you out.'

[Bob Fossil]

It'd be interesting to be a fly on the, erm, grass...

I wonder if they'll practice avoiding flying objects from the stands.

A fly would be safer on the grass than in the air, from the ball at least 

---

"But, Boss, It's hard to run with all these xg monitors hanging off me"

[Cunninghamismagic]

VI: 'run, run, and well run you lazy buggers'
Carroll: 'Don't want to step out of line boss, but do we need to do something with those round things that people used to kick at my head?'
VI: 'Right that's you out.'

Arf.

[Ted Maul]

Joking aside if the relationship between Val and some of the players is as bad as is made out you have to question what the point of prolonging it all is.

No one wins from here really.

[MrFizz]

WBA training ground, 10am:

VI: "Squad! Squad attttennnnshun!"
(sound of boots coming together)
VI: "Good morning men."
SQUAD: "mumble mumble"
AM: "Morning boss. Did you get the coffee i made you? Strong, 6 sugars, touch of cream, as you like it?"
VI: "Yes Alex, thankyou very nice."
(AM beaming smile)
VI: Right, the new old tactics didn't work on Saturday. So we're going back to the old old tactics of keeping posession and wasting it in the final third."
S: "mumble, moan, grumble"
AM: "Good idea boss. Right behind you."
VI: "Wheres Private Johnstone?"
S: "mumble" (staring at the ground)
AM: "He's in his car boss. Listening to Heart 80's. He likes Heart 80's. Do you want me to fetch him?"
VI "No Alex, but thankyou."
AM: (disappointed face) "Oh, okay."
VI: "Ohhh, okay Alex go and fetch him"
AM: "Yippee. Back in a jiffy".
VI: "Right you men. Line up, as instructed. Carrol, you play the Dike role."
(squad pass the ball around, work it to Private Furlong out wide)
AC: "CROSS NOW! "
(Furlong attempts cross, ball ends up in the car park)
VI: "Very good, very good. Now press high and don't let the goalkeeper pass it out. Where is the goalkeeper?"
(AM returns, bloodied nose, crying)
AM: (sniff) "He's not coming boss. I tried to drag him out but he swatted me with his England cap, called me a nark and headbutted me. "
VI: "Never mind. There there." (AM leans head into VI's chest)
AM: (sniffle, whimper)
VI: "JOOOOHHNNNNSTOOOONNNNEE!!!!!"

[Ted Maul]

WBA training ground, 10am:

VI: "Squad! Squad attttennnnshun!"
(sound of boots coming together)
VI: "Good morning men."
SQUAD: "mumble mumble"
AM: "Morning boss. Did you get the coffee i made you? Strong, 6 sugars, touch of cream, as you like it?"
VI: "Yes Alex, thankyou very nice."
(AM beaming smile)
VI: Right, the new old tactics didn't work on Saturday. So we're going back to the old old tactics of keeping posession and wasting it in the final third."
S: "mumble, moan, grumble"
AM: "Good idea boss. Right behind you."
VI: "Wheres Private Johnstone?"
S: "mumble" (staring at the ground)
AM: "He's in his car boss. Listening to Heart 80's. He likes Heart 80's. Do you want me to fetch him?"
VI "No Alex, but thankyou."
AM: (disappointed face) "Oh, okay."
VI: "Ohhh, okay Alex go and fetch him"
AM: "Yippee. Back in a jiffy".
VI: "Right you men. Line up, as instructed. Carrol, you play the Dike role."
(squad pass the ball around, work it to Private Furlong out wide)
AC: "CROSS NOW! "
(Furlong attempts cross, ball ends up in the car park)
VI: "Very good, very good. Now press high and don't let the goalkeeper pass it out. Where is the goalkeeper?"
(AM returns, bloodied nose, crying)
AM: (sniff) "He's not coming boss. I tried to drag him out but he swatted me with his England cap, called me a nark and headbutted me. "
VI: "Never mind. There there." (AM leans head into VI's chest)
AM: (sniffle, whimper)
VI: "JOOOOHHNNNNSTOOOONNNNEE!!!!!"

The Valerian Monologues.