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03-31-2021, 08:44 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-31-2021, 09:22 AM by Spandaubaggie.)
Here's a serious one gents, a long shot perhaps, but maybe some of you might have some advice.
Our god daughter seems to have got involved and moved in with a lad who seems a wrong un.
The poor girl, only 18, has grown up without a father figure as her reptile dad pissed off when she was still at primary school, but anyhow she has moved in with this strange lad ,brought up on Ritalin for ADHD, who is clearly controlling her.
He's telling her what to eat, and seems to have overtaken her personality where his interests like Formula One have now magically become hers. Her mum can't even speak to her without the girl putting her on speaker.
She was due to go to Uni this year for a vocational degree that would have led to a good job in healthcare, is from a decent school, but looks like she's going to blow it as she's so influenced by this lad who is a bit of a waster and just washes dishes at a restaurant, without any signs of aspirations at the minute.
The mum is proper worried and my Mrs has tried to advise.
It's a different game though without a father figure as I know I'd have got the scrawny fucker by the throat by now if my kid was involved.
All a bit sinister, they are just kids I know, but with plenty of good lads on here who have had to navigate issues in life just wondering if you have any sound advice because at the minute this girl seems brainwashed and the path she's going down seems proper dark.
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Sorry to hear about this Spandau.
Sadly there isn't much you can do, she needs to see him for what he is if he's being a controlling bully, by now he'd have made sure in her mind his way is the only way. Any attempts to break them up will play into his hands.
Sadly while people like that exist, others will fall into their traps.
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What you've described there is domestic abuse. Put the onus on her new fella, he's only young still and perhaps a quite frank discussion will snap him out of whatever bullshit he's trying with your god daughter. If that fails, kick the shit out of him, providing the girls mother doesn't mind.
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Really tough one Spandau, the simple advice is for the mom to let the girl now that she is there for her and that anytime she needs to have a place to come to her bed is ready and made up. Maybe start arranging some mother / daughter time together now that lockdown has eased or even arrange some group get togethers with the scrote as well. The added complication here will be lockdown and the extra control element that allows him.
My daughter got in with some drug dealing scrote a few years ago and to this day she hasn't told me his name or where he lives because of what he did to her. He finally went too far and she realised that she had to get out and we were there for her to pick up the pieces, luckily there was no long term damage and it was a short lived thing, but he's still on my radar.
My advice is simple - be there for her and start to reintroduce time with her now the lockdown is easing. She will come round and if he does need a talking to there's nothing illegal to having a quiet chat on your own with him.
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No expert but your grabbing the spawny fecker by the throat would be my approach.
Hope you get it sorted.
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03-31-2021, 09:02 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-31-2021, 09:02 AM by Spandaubaggie.)
(03-31-2021, 08:56 AM)baggy1 Wrote: Really tough one Spandau, the simple advice is for the mom to let the girl now that she is there for her and that anytime she needs to have a place to come to her bed is ready and made up. Maybe start arranging some mother / daughter time together now that lockdown has eased or even arrange some group get togethers with the scrote as well. The added complication here will be lockdown and the extra control element that allows him.
My daughter got in with some drug dealing scrote a few years ago and to this day she hasn't told me his name or where he lives because of what he did to her. He finally went too far and she realised that she had to get out and we were there for her to pick up the pieces, luckily there was no long term damage and it was a short lived thing, but he's still on my radar.
My advice is simple - be there for her and start to reintroduce time with her now the lockdown is easing. She will come round and if he does need a talking to there's nothing illegal to having a quiet chat on your own with him.
This thread is early on, but I kind of agree there's little can be done and she has to learn by her mistakes. Seems Covid has been a sliding doors moment as without it she'd have gone on this college course and met other people rather than be under the spell of this bloke.
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(03-31-2021, 08:56 AM)baggy1 Wrote: Really tough one Spandau, the simple advice is for the mom to let the girl now that she is there for her and that anytime she needs to have a place to come to her bed is ready and made up. Maybe start arranging some mother / daughter time together now that lockdown has eased or even arrange some group get togethers with the scrote as well. The added complication here will be lockdown and the extra control element that allows him.
My daughter got in with some drug dealing scrote a few years ago and to this day she hasn't told me his name or where he lives because of what he did to her. He finally went too far and she realised that she had to get out and we were there for her to pick up the pieces, luckily there was no long term damage and it was a short lived thing, but he's still on my radar.
My advice is simple - be there for her and start to reintroduce time with her now the lockdown is easing. She will come round and if he does need a talking to there's nothing illegal to having a quiet chat on your own with him.
This.
Sorry SB, doesn’t doubt like a great situation but kids will be kids. From how you’ve described her, she sounds a sensible girl who will realise that she’s better than this and move on from it in time... lockdown has done some strange things to a lot of otherwise intelligent and rational people, and my hope is that when the world opens up and she can start seeing friends, relatives and doing activities she enjoys she will have enough to make her realise that whilst convenient company during lockdown, this isn’t what she wants or needs in her life.
Have confidence that she will see through it, and if she doesn’t, ensure you and her family are there to guide her out of this mess. At the moment she’s young and infatuated with some lad, it happens... I’m sure if you think back to when you were that age you probably did some things or hung around with some people your parents wouldn’t have approved of, but no doubt you pulled out of it eventually.
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Hopefully the young lady grows out of this , without being rude lets hope precautions are being taken too .
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(03-31-2021, 09:16 AM)Crossbar11 Wrote: Hopefully the young lady grows out of this , without being rude lets hope precautions are being taken too . This is exactly what we said. Up the duff at 18 and she's finished.
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03-31-2021, 09:36 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-31-2021, 09:36 AM by Big Daddy Cool.)
Controlling types like him will want to turn her against family so he's got her all by herself. As others have said you just have to be there for her because she'll soon realise he's no good.
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