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Separated families and Christmas
#61
(10-26-2017, 03:05 PM)pindgill Wrote:
(10-26-2017, 02:48 PM)Foo Fighters Wrote:
(10-26-2017, 01:16 PM)pindgill Wrote: You mention paying the mortgage bills extra extra like you are its a big generous thing your doing!!!,its your obligation and responsibility the last time I looked.
Your actions have nuked your kids emotions if and when you find eternal love let us know if it was worth it!!!!???.....

And kids living in households where parents don’t love each and argue is better for them?

Poppycock

The chap did not say anything about arguments just that "over the years year's he had fallen out of love" that then resulted in him making a unilateral decision to leave his wife and three young children.

I know, the arguments would most likely follow. That’s what happened in my marriage as my tolerance level fell the more I wanted to leave my wife.

And why should he be searching for “eternal love”? If his marriage was like mine he’d simply be after happiness away from his wife. Life is too short to stay together because of the kids. As long as the kids know they are loved and in regular contact with both parents I don’t believe the kids suffer that much as kids nowadays know lots of other kids in the same boat In fact you tend to find single fathers do more with their kids when they see them than married fathers do.
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#62
Must be one of the hardest decisions you could ever make. Your kids will always be your number one priority (well, in the case of most decent-minded people as the OP-er seems to be) and to come to the conclusion that the atmosphere will be better apart in the long-term is probably something that will have been dwelt upon for a long time. I think votebaggie's response was a bit disappointing more than anything - he always seemed a good egg for me and although he may have had his opinions expressed them in a very gauche manner. Sieboardbilly has only given a snippet of what things are like and is hardly likely to go chapter and verse from the off (and probably doesn't want to).

I was having a conversation the other day with one of the other kids' footie coaches at our club saying that out of eleven kids in our team only one couple are separated. He said that's how it generally is and then give it a couple of years or so (ours are 9/10) it tends to increase somewhat which leads me to think people have been unhappy for a good few years before deciding the kids are old enough to at least understand, if not fully accept at first. Fair play to those who have taken their time to pen some decent pieces of advice anyhow.
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#63
This prompted a conversation with Juniorkiller about the kids in her class. She's 11 now and out of 29 kids, 17 of them are from homes where the parents have separated. 

In most cases this happened by the time the kids were about 8. Not sure how representative this is or what conclusions can be drawn, but I was surprised at the number of separations.

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#64
My eldest is 9 and out of a class of 35 only 2 are from home where parents have separated. In my circle of friends only 3 couples who are parents have split, 1 being my sister in law and the other my brother. All the children are fine and turning out just fine, they have all the love and attention they need from both parents
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#65
(10-26-2017, 05:34 PM)Dreamkiller Wrote: This prompted a conversation with Juniorkiller about the kids in her class. She's 11 now and out of 29 kids, 17 of them are from homes where the parents have separated. 

In most cases this happened by the time the kids were about 8. Not sure how representative this is or what conclusions can be drawn, but I was surprised at the number of separations.

I suppose the other consideration is what the kids are actually like themselves and how that might face such a change in their lives; for some it can be crushing. One of my daughter's best friend's folks split up a year or so ago (when she was 11/12) - when the Mom told her what was happening she answered that as long as it made her happy as she'd obviously not been for a long time. I'd say that is probably an extraordinarily mature view from a child of that age, mind.
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#66
(10-26-2017, 04:52 PM)Fido Wrote: Must be one of the hardest decisions you could ever make. Your kids will always be your number one priority (well, in the case of most decent-minded people as the OP-er seems to be) and to come to the conclusion that the atmosphere will be better apart in the long-term is probably something that will have been dwelt upon for a long time. I think votebaggie's response was a bit disappointing more than anything - he always seemed a good egg for me and although he may have had his opinions expressed them in a very gauche manner. Sieboardbilly has only given a snippet of what things are like and is hardly likely to go chapter and verse from the off (and probably doesn't want to).

I was having a conversation the other day with one of the other kids' footie coaches at our club saying that out of eleven kids in our team only one couple are separated. He said that's how it generally is and then give it a couple of years or so (ours are 9/10) it tends to increase somewhat which leads me to think people have been unhappy for a good few years before deciding the kids are old enough to at least understand, if not fully accept at first. Fair play to those who have taken their time to pen some decent pieces of advice anyhow.

It was the most difficult decision to make in my life without a doubt. I asked colleagues who had separated. Colleagues who grew up with parents separated. I loved my kids and I didn’t want to leave them, but I wanted to leave my wife.

Seeing my kids (aged 7 and 3) crying at the top of the stairs with my wife screaming at me as I walked out the front door will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I phoned them most nights, had them fri - sun alternate weekends and took them on hols for a couple of weeks each summer. 

One summer we went away for 3 weeks. Someone on holiday asked me how long we were there for. I said 3 weeks. He asked “where’s your wife?” I responded I don’t have one. He asked “where is your girlfriend ?” I replied I don’t have one of them either. He paused and said “so you are here for 3 weeks with just your kids?  I replied “yeah, great innit” Big Grin

When they turned 16 they both opted to live with me.  Happy days.

My daughter moved out in Jan to move in with her partner and so now it’s now me and my lad who is almost 21.
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#67
How's things OP? Any progress?
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#68
(11-14-2017, 10:04 PM)Donegal Wrote: How's things OP? Any progress?

With the flak he unnecessarily received I doubt he will be back anytime soon.
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