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Separated families and Christmas
#31
(10-24-2017, 07:49 PM)Votebaggie Wrote: Last post.  The original poster asked for advice and I gave it as I saw it, albeit harsh and I'm sorry if I caused him any distress but we are all products of our experiences.  I know a really good women whose husband walked out on her and  her three kids for no other reason than he cared more about his feelings than those of his wife and children.  The upshot has been devastating for his kids with one almost dying from anorexia brought on by the trauma of what  her dad did.  I have seen one to many  men trying to justify their actions when all it boils down to is being a selfish cunt.  I'm not saying the OP is like this but as I say all our judgements are coloured by our personal experiences and what we see around us.  I gave the OP advice, without any abuse, but I still would say to him step back and put his wife's feelings first as I genuinely think this will be best for him and the kids in the long run.

I've picked up some really nasty personal abuse on this thread and it has led me to finally conclude this is a community I no longer want to be a part of.  This is my first ever and last ever flounce.  With a final and obvious nod of gratitude to Birdy I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all well.

If you'd have put it like that in the first place then you'd have received very different feedback. Comments like 'man up' didn't help your cause.
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#32
(10-24-2017, 07:49 PM)Votebaggie Wrote: Last post.  The original poster asked for advice and I gave it as I saw it, albeit harsh and I'm sorry if I caused him any distress but we are all products of our experiences.  I know a really good women whose husband walked out on her and  her three kids for no other reason than he cared more about his feelings than those of his wife and children.  The upshot has been devastating for his kids with one almost dying from anorexia brought on by the trauma of what  her dad did.  I have seen one to many  men trying to justify their actions when all it boils down to is being a selfish cunt.  I'm not saying the OP is like this but as I say all our judgements are coloured by our personal experiences and what we see around us.  I gave the OP advice, without any abuse, but I still would say to him step back and put his wife's feelings first as I genuinely think this will be best for him and the kids in the long run.

I've picked up some really nasty personal abuse on this thread and it has led me to finally conclude this is a community I no longer want to be a part of.  This is my first ever and last ever flounce.  With a final and obvious nod of gratitude to Birdy I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all well.
Your reply was every shade of wrong. My own very personal experience is the exact opposite with my own son, at times, not wishing to see his own mother. I'll leave it at that. Suffice to say when you've been in my position you meet and speak to plenty of other men and their children left devastated by the actions of women. I didn't reply to the op as I couldn't begin to advise but your words left me beyond amazed. Narrow minded doesn't begin to cover it.
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#33
(10-24-2017, 07:49 PM)Votebaggie Wrote: Last post.  The original poster asked for advice and I gave it as I saw it, albeit harsh and I'm sorry if I caused him any distress but we are all products of our experiences.  I know a really good women whose husband walked out on her and  her three kids for no other reason than he cared more about his feelings than those of his wife and children.  The upshot has been devastating for his kids with one almost dying from anorexia brought on by the trauma of what  her dad did.  I have seen one to many  men trying to justify their actions when all it boils down to is being a selfish cunt.  I'm not saying the OP is like this but as I say all our judgements are coloured by our personal experiences and what we see around us.  I gave the OP advice, without any abuse, but I still would say to him step back and put his wife's feelings first as I genuinely think this will be best for him and the kids in the long run.

I've picked up some really nasty personal abuse on this thread and it has led me to finally conclude this is a community I no longer want to be a part of.  This is my first ever and last ever flounce.  With a final and obvious nod of gratitude to Birdy I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all well.

How can you judge when you don't know the facts
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#34
(10-24-2017, 07:49 PM)Votebaggie Wrote: Last post.  The original poster asked for advice and I gave it as I saw it, albeit harsh and I'm sorry if I caused him any distress but we are all products of our experiences.  I know a really good women whose husband walked out on her and  her three kids for no other reason than he cared more about his feelings than those of his wife and children.  The upshot has been devastating for his kids with one almost dying from anorexia brought on by the trauma of what  her dad did.  I have seen one to many  men trying to justify their actions when all it boils down to is being a selfish cunt.  I'm not saying the OP is like this but as I say all our judgements are coloured by our personal experiences and what we see around us.  I gave the OP advice, without any abuse, but I still would say to him step back and put his wife's feelings first as I genuinely think this will be best for him and the kids in the long run.

I've picked up some really nasty personal abuse on this thread and it has led me to finally conclude this is a community I no longer want to be a part of.  This is my first ever and last ever flounce.  With a final and obvious nod of gratitude to Birdy I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all well.

Sorry VB, you say we have given the op advice coloured by personal experiences. Surely that is far better than an opinion from someone who is still (fortunately) happily married with a grandchild on the way with no experience in this matter whatsoever?
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#35
(10-24-2017, 07:49 PM)Votebaggie Wrote: Last post.  The original poster asked for advice and I gave it as I saw it, albeit harsh and I'm sorry if I caused him any distress but we are all products of our experiences.  I know a really good women whose husband walked out on her and  her three kids for no other reason than he cared more about his feelings than those of his wife and children.  The upshot has been devastating for his kids with one almost dying from anorexia brought on by the trauma of what  her dad did.  I have seen one to many  men trying to justify their actions when all it boils down to is being a selfish cunt.  I'm not saying the OP is like this but as I say all our judgements are coloured by our personal experiences and what we see around us.  I gave the OP advice, without any abuse, but I still would say to him step back and put his wife's feelings first as I genuinely think this will be best for him and the kids in the long run.

I've picked up some really nasty personal abuse on this thread and it has led me to finally conclude this is a community I no longer want to be a part of.  This is my first ever and last ever flounce.  With a final and obvious nod of gratitude to Birdy I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all well.

May I be the first to point out that all actions have consequences, even the action of posting on a message board. My advice to you would be to man up etc etc...
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#36
(10-25-2017, 08:22 AM)Lightnin Wrote:
(10-24-2017, 07:49 PM)Votebaggie Wrote: Last post.  The original poster asked for advice and I gave it as I saw it, albeit harsh and I'm sorry if I caused him any distress but we are all products of our experiences.  I know a really good women whose husband walked out on her and  her three kids for no other reason than he cared more about his feelings than those of his wife and children.  The upshot has been devastating for his kids with one almost dying from anorexia brought on by the trauma of what  her dad did.  I have seen one to many  men trying to justify their actions when all it boils down to is being a selfish cunt.  I'm not saying the OP is like this but as I say all our judgements are coloured by our personal experiences and what we see around us.  I gave the OP advice, without any abuse, but I still would say to him step back and put his wife's feelings first as I genuinely think this will be best for him and the kids in the long run.

I've picked up some really nasty personal abuse on this thread and it has led me to finally conclude this is a community I no longer want to be a part of.  This is my first ever and last ever flounce.  With a final and obvious nod of gratitude to Birdy I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all well.

May I be the first to point out that all actions have consequences, even the action of posting on a message board. My advice to you would be to man up etc etc...

Big Grin
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#37
(10-24-2017, 07:49 PM)Votebaggie Wrote: Last post.  The original poster asked for advice and I gave it as I saw it, albeit harsh and I'm sorry if I caused him any distress but we are all products of our experiences.  I know a really good women whose husband walked out on her and  her three kids for no other reason than he cared more about his feelings than those of his wife and children.  The upshot has been devastating for his kids with one almost dying from anorexia brought on by the trauma of what  her dad did.  I have seen one to many  men trying to justify their actions when all it boils down to is being a selfish cunt.  I'm not saying the OP is like this but as I say all our judgements are coloured by our personal experiences and what we see around us.  I gave the OP advice, without any abuse, but I still would say to him step back and put his wife's feelings first as I genuinely think this will be best for him and the kids in the long run.

I've picked up some really nasty personal abuse on this thread and it has led me to finally conclude this is a community I no longer want to be a part of.  This is my first ever and last ever flounce.  With a final and obvious nod of gratitude to Birdy I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all well.

One of the more sensible posters sadly leaving.  Sad
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#38
(10-24-2017, 07:49 PM)Votebaggie Wrote: Last post.  The original poster asked for advice and I gave it as I saw it, albeit harsh and I'm sorry if I caused him any distress but we are all products of our experiences.  I know a really good women whose husband walked out on her and  her three kids for no other reason than he cared more about his feelings than those of his wife and children.  The upshot has been devastating for his kids with one almost dying from anorexia brought on by the trauma of what  her dad did.  I have seen one to many  men trying to justify their actions when all it boils down to is being a selfish cunt.  I'm not saying the OP is like this but as I say all our judgements are coloured by our personal experiences and what we see around us.  I gave the OP advice, without any abuse, but I still would say to him step back and put his wife's feelings first as I genuinely think this will be best for him and the kids in the long run.

I've picked up some really nasty personal abuse on this thread and it has led me to finally conclude this is a community I no longer want to be a part of.  This is my first ever and last ever flounce.  With a final and obvious nod of gratitude to Birdy I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all well.
VB, you've been a decent poster on here over the years. Wouldn't it be better if you just admitted you got this one wrong (or at least worded it better) regarding your initial reply rather than flouncing.
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#39
Just drop it
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#40
(10-24-2017, 11:34 AM)sideboardbilly Wrote: Sorry for the personal nature of this post.

In short me and the wife split in May this year after 17 years together. My choice, in short we had drifted apart and I had fallen out of love with her.

We have 3 kids (14, 9 and 4).

Lots of animosity between the wife and I, primarily from her side due to the fact that it was my decision. Work in progress with the kids, mostly OK although my son is quite sensitive so sometimes its hard. Only to be expected.

See the kids every Tuesday overnight and every other weekend. Whilst I've moved out I still pay for the mortgage, all bills and some.

Yesterday she told me I can't see the kids even for half an hour on Christmas Day. She won't let them out of the house and won't let me in the house that I still pay for.

To say that this upsets me is an understatement. Anyone had a similar experience?

Any advice/suggestions massively appreciated. 


And sorry to depress people further than the current depression of watching the team!

Hello, I hope this post finds you in a better emotional place than you were when starting the thread.
Cannot offer advice as such as I have never been in your position, so this is just an observation.

Regardless of the rights and/or wrongs of your decision to leave your wife, you have accepted financial responsibility for your ex and your kids. Good. A bi product of this, is that your ex allows you access to your kids on Tuesdays and on alternate weekends.

Christmas Day falls on a Monday this year, and she has the kids on Mondays. With this in mind, try to think of Christmas Day as a label which could be attached to any day of the week it happens to fall on. Your feelings for your kids remain the same all year around (as do your old/new financial responsibilities), so try not to get hung up on a label.

While I acknowledge Christmas is an emotive time of year which will only serve to concentrate your feelings, all you can do is keep your end of the bargain and hope she keeps hers (Tuesdays).

From my own perspective (and that's all it is) I'd have no problem with my Mrs denying me access to my lad on Christmas Day, so long as she stuck to our (your) already agreed upon Tuesday stop over (Boxing Day and night).

Hopefully your former spouse's tensions will have eased by next Christmas.
They'll need to really as by then you're due to have the kids on Christmas Day, Christmas night and Boxing Day morning  Wink .

All of the very best to you and yours.
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