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Separated families and Christmas
#21
(10-24-2017, 04:39 PM)Peachy Wrote:
(10-24-2017, 02:16 PM)Votebaggie Wrote: have to tell you this is definitely not the forum to get balanced advice with regard to relationships.   The attitudes to women on here are some where between medieval and at best a Harry Enfield "women know your place" sketch.  The best advise is some kind of professional arbitration from people who have some fucking clue what they are talking about.

My thoughts FWIW are you walked out on your wife and 3 kids because you'd "fallen out of love"  Mate if every man did that the % of kids living with their biological parents would be even lower than the pitifully low number it already is.
You are upset, but think about it for 5 minutes just how upset do you think she was when you laid that "fallen out of love" stuff on her.  Just how upset do you think your kids were by as you put it "your decision" to leave. How would you like it if she had of walked out on you and the 3 kids, and then said I'd like my kids hugs and kisses on Christmas day?  My sympathies here are 100% with your wife, all our decisions have consequences and the consequence of the  decision you took is that probably you don't get to see your kids on Christmas day.  You need to man up, minimise the upset and annoyance to your wife, and as a result your kids and frankly stop feeling sorry for your self.

Possibly one of the harshest things I have read in years! 

Ever thought of being a social worker? 

I have laid off replying to the OP because I don't understand the complexities of the relationship involved and unless anyone does fully then it's a very hard thing to give advice on it. I'm happily married with two lovely little kids and the thought of not being around them doesnt bare thinking about so I empathise hugely with the situation and hope it works out amicably for the kids sake.

Agreed.

The bloke's made probably the toughest decisions he'll have to make and yearns to see his kids and some bell-end comes out with that shite. The 'man up' and 'stop feeling sorry for yourself ' are reminiscent of comments given to people with mental health issues by morons who have no undesrstanding of the issues and have no desire to uunderstand but remain isolated in their little masculine bubbles breathing their bullshit tainted air.

To the original poster I hope that you sort things out. My advice, for what it's worth is to try anything before going legal as that will really drive a stake through the heart of the relationship. It will also cost and that's money better spent on the kids - I'm sure that's one thing that you and your ex agree on!

All the best.
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#22
This thread is a world of pain which I'm really sorry to read chaps. I hope it all works out for the lot of you.
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#23
I actually think you've made the bravest decision possible to walk out. I found out my wife was having an affair and I temporarily moved out but when faced with the prospect of her rinsing me through a divorce court and not seeing the kids every day, I've slowly ended up back living with her.

So to the OP, packing your bags and moving out is the hardest most "man up" thing you could have done. I am currently taking the easy way out of living a lie and trying to pretend the world is perfect.
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#24
Forget legal advice.

Try to keep it amicable as the woman can say “sod you, you ain’t seeing them at all”. Then you have years of fighting, solicitors bills and the ones who lose are your children.

I didn’t get to see my kids for a few Christmas days and yes it’s a little upsetting but you know what, you pop out to the pub Christmas Day and see your mates and pop and see family and then on Boxing Day you have your Christmas with your children and they are happy as it’s more presents the next day. It’s not as bad as you think matey. After a few years I started to have them for Christmas day
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#25
I think the import thing here is to avoid passing judgement on the OP, as none of us know the circumstances or have lived in the household with him.
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#26
(10-24-2017, 06:01 PM)TTM Wrote: I think the import thing here is to avoid passing judgement on the OP, as none of us know the circumstances or have lived in the household with him.

Well we can only base it on info given; he's left her, still pays the mortgage for the house and wants to see his kids. We don't know the intricacies but the bloke deserves to see his kids, surely? And 'man upb style comments don't help anyone.
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#27
(10-24-2017, 06:05 PM)Choronzonbaggie Wrote:
(10-24-2017, 06:01 PM)TTM Wrote: I think the import thing here is to avoid passing judgement on the OP, as none of us know the circumstances or have lived in the household with him.

Well we can only base it on info given; he's left her, still pays the mortgage for the house and wants to see his kids. We don't know the intricacies but the bloke deserves to see his kids, surely? And 'man upb style comments don't help anyone.

That was my point.
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#28
(10-24-2017, 02:16 PM)Votebaggie Wrote: have to tell you this is definitely not the forum to get balanced advice with regard to relationships.   The attitudes to women on here are some where between medieval and at best a Harry Enfield "women know your place" sketch.  The best advise is some kind of professional arbitration from people who have some fucking clue what they are talking about.

My thoughts FWIW are you walked out on your wife and 3 kids because you'd "fallen out of love"  Mate if every man did that the % of kids living with their biological parents would be even lower than the pitifully low number it already is.
You are upset, but think about it for 5 minutes just how upset do you think she was when you laid that "fallen out of love" stuff on her.  Just how upset do you think your kids were by as you put it "your decision" to leave. How would you like it if she had of walked out on you and the 3 kids, and then said I'd like my kids hugs and kisses on Christmas day?  My sympathies here are 100% with your wife, all our decisions have consequences and the consequence of the  decision you took is that probably you don't get to see your kids on Christmas day.  You need to man up, minimise the upset and annoyance to your wife, and as a result your kids and frankly stop feeling sorry for your self.

Utter sanctimonious shite.
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#29
A heartbreaking OP and would be my nightmare scenario. So sorry to read of your troubles.
My advice FWIW is to appeal to her on the basis that the kids feelings are more important than hers or yours. If she's still in a bad place I guess she will care less about how the kids are feeling and more about getting at you. So it might fall on deaf ears
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#30
Last post. The original poster asked for advice and I gave it as I saw it, albeit harsh and I'm sorry if I caused him any distress but we are all products of our experiences. I know a really good women whose husband walked out on her and her three kids for no other reason than he cared more about his feelings than those of his wife and children. The upshot has been devastating for his kids with one almost dying from anorexia brought on by the trauma of what her dad did. I have seen one to many men trying to justify their actions when all it boils down to is being a selfish cunt. I'm not saying the OP is like this but as I say all our judgements are coloured by our personal experiences and what we see around us. I gave the OP advice, without any abuse, but I still would say to him step back and put his wife's feelings first as I genuinely think this will be best for him and the kids in the long run.

I've picked up some really nasty personal abuse on this thread and it has led me to finally conclude this is a community I no longer want to be a part of. This is my first ever and last ever flounce. With a final and obvious nod of gratitude to Birdy I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all well.
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