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Separated families and Christmas
#1
Sorry for the personal nature of this post.

In short me and the wife split in May this year after 17 years together. My choice, in short we had drifted apart and I had fallen out of love with her.

We have 3 kids (14, 9 and 4).

Lots of animosity between the wife and I, primarily from her side due to the fact that it was my decision. Work in progress with the kids, mostly OK although my son is quite sensitive so sometimes its hard. Only to be expected.

See the kids every Tuesday overnight and every other weekend. Whilst I've moved out I still pay for the mortgage, all bills and some.

Yesterday she told me I can't see the kids even for half an hour on Christmas Day. She won't let them out of the house and won't let me in the house that I still pay for.

To say that this upsets me is an understatement. Anyone had a similar experience?

Any advice/suggestions massively appreciated. 


And sorry to depress people further than the current depression of watching the team!
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#2
I think you need to take legal advice, extreme it may sound but you have rights to see the children and it sounds too strained to come up with any satisfactory agreement by yourselves. Not to mention a sensible financial agreement which looks after the children but doesn't render you plotless.

It's certainly not on to use the kids as a weapon to hurt you.
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#3
She's hurting clearly and the way a lot of people react is to try and take it out on you in a way to get revenge. She needs to realize though by doing this she's going to not only hurt you but also the children. Is there a friend of hers you could talk to or a mutual friend who could make her realize that she needs to think of the children.
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#4
Been through it she was a cow at times the only way she realised I wasn't a pushover is threatening her with not paying her the realisation of her having to be Potless gives them a reality check and then you will get the emotional blackmail but you have to be strong and not fold that is a last resort ask her to sit down and ask her do the kids want to see me at christmas if she is being difficult you know the rest
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#5
Her decision or the kids decision for Christmas Day? Christmas is all about the kids, it should be arranged for what they'd like to do.
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#6
Have you a new partner, that may be one of the reasons if so?

My other half has far more direct dealings with this type of thing, but from the little that I have
listened and learnt over the years, be careful before going down the formal or legal route. Family
courts and mediation sources are littered with jut this type of dispute/case, but no harm in taking
advice in advance of all other options failing.

Old wounds that are still alive do often get in the way of deciding what is best for the Children,
and that is what really matters to both sides actually. It may all depend on what relationship is
left from your time together, can you agree for instance to meet up on neutral ground to discuss
this, I accept this may not be an option. Have you both tried counselling for parents either
together or one on one? Try calling relate and put the concerns to them, they will try and help
you and have such a lot of experience in these types of problems post the separation.
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#7
(10-24-2017, 12:18 PM)Lightnin Wrote: Her decision or the kids decision for Christmas Day? Christmas is all about the kids, it should be arranged for what they'd like to do.

It's a tough one, however, it should be about what the children want.

My ex-wife and I separated in early December 2015. We spent that first Christmas together as our daughters didn't know. It was pretty tough!

Last Christmas our daughters wanted everyone to be together, so we all went to my ex's mum and step dad's (who I still get on really well with) on Christmas Day. Again, it was a bit weird, however, my daughters got to spend Christmas with us both.

The toughest part was not waking up with my girls on Christmas morning, although I did get a lie in!

This year will be different as my ex and I both have new partners, however, we're all spending Christmas Eve evening together (again at my old in-laws). The girls will then spend half of Christmas Day with me and then half with their mum.

They're 7 and 5, so it will probably change as they get older, but it does work.
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#8
I used to pick my kids up about 9.30 in the morning until dinnertime where they had Xmas dinner with their mom and her mob I had them boxing day when everything has calmed down and emotions are less try that one mate
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#9
My wife and i split this time last year and we have 2 young daughters. I had them on xmas eve and xmas day til early evening. She came over on xmas morning to see them open pressies at my invite and she had boxing day as her xmas with them. This year i have them boxing day but no invite for xmas morning.


Its tough and tense between me and her but my only thought is whats best for the girls
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#10
bite the bullet mate i know its hard but when you see them later it will make worth the wait .
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